Living your Blueprint

I always wanted to be an architect. I played The Sims only to build houses, dream landscapes and stage the occasional Sims neighborhood rendezvous. But I remember my mom telling me, “You can’t be an architect, you’re not good at math.” And honestly? She was right. I hated math. So that was my cue to pivot.

But now I see it clearly: I did want to be an architect, just not the kind who builds beautiful homes. I wanted to be the architect of my own life. And this kind of architecture? Designing a life with soul, intention, and joy? I much prefer this.

Living abroad has really opened my eyes to a new way of living, creating my own blueprint that feels really satisfying and fulfilling. And I’m realizing how many different blueprints we can create because there are unlimited, infinite possibilies of creation. And sometimes, you have to detach from everything you’ve always known, just to uncover the little treasures..the small, unexpected joys that remind you who you truly are.

I was taught at a young age to follow the societal blueprint. I was hardwired to live a very structured linear life. Most people don’t even realizing they are following it. It’s living on autopilot. You go to school, get the job, get the family, chase the promotions, its a continuous spinning, no thought process with little room to ask… why?

I learned that in order to be “accepted” in society and I had to follow the rules and abide by certain unspoken social contracts just to “fit in”. This caused nervous system dysregulation, substance abuse and perpetual chronic stress because it was leading me down a very unfamiliar path. I knew that I had to do things different but I wasn’t confident to trust that knowing. I just numbed myself from the pain of slowly losing myself completely.

Growing up outside of NYC where life moves fast and expectations runs deep, I felt my creative spirit was continually denied. I learned to shrink myself, to twist and perform, squeezing myself to fit into boxes I never belonged in.

When I was in that box I tried peeking out so many times, bumping my head on the lid over and over only to be pushed back in. They tried to tame me. Mold me. Stifle my creativity. My spirit compressed. But when you have more faith over fear you keep on pushing. Until one day I was a pressure cooker and just exploded, bursting through it like a bat out of hell. I broke free. Out of the mess of conformity and I’m never going back.

And I realized I wasn’t in a box, I was in a cage. And the wildest part? I had been holding the key the entire time.. I just didn’t know how to use it.

Betraying your truth is the fastest way to lose yourself, and forget who you are and it takes a lot of time to remember. It’s like relearning how to drive a car. I upgraded from the Toyota Corolla to a sexy, soul-fueled Toyota Land Cruiser Prado, built for the wild and handling the rough mountain roads of life like a dream.

It’s a lot of time, reflection and a whole lot of unlearning. But now I am starting to see that I thrive when I move in alignment with my values.. when I do things my way. It took me 33 years to figure out what truly brings me joy, what sparks my fire. I feel like my life is just getting started.

Unlearning is a whole other reflection, but that was like completely wiping out your hard drive, scrapping the old operating system and installing something radically new. It’s not just a reset, its a full on reprogramming.

And its not for the faint hearted. Its a journey into confronting the darkest parts of yourself.. the shadows you spent lifetimes avoiding. But in order to find the light you have to go to the deepest and darkest depths. The kind of depth where you hit rock bottom and theres nowhere left to go but through. Through what you ask? Oh the void. The portal. And thats where you find the real illumination. Buried beneath all the layers of who you were told to be.

We are the rebels with a cause. A cause to live life on our own terns. To recreate the blueprint into something real, something rooted and sustainable. Not just for survival but for thriving. Sometimes, you have to travel thousands of miles away from everything you once called “home” to realize that home was never a place. It’s where your heart leads you. And mine is leading me there now.

And my heart has led me the mountains of Costa Rica, where I am living a life that looks nothing like the old blueprint. It’s simple yet deeply satisfying. My days are filled with little joys that make my soul sing: cooking vibrant meals from locally sourced ingredients, reading on my porch as the sun rises above the rainforest, skinny dipping at my waterfall, listening to the rain, going on hikes with friends, people watching at the only coffee shop in town.

I love this new blueprint, fluid, evolving and built on a foundation of pure unadulterated authenticity. It’s rooted in presence, play, curiosity and the kind of freedom that comes from living in alignment with who I truly am.